Disgusted.

Well, I think my instincts were right all along. Ashtin hasn't called me since Thursday. I thought maybe he just had to work on Friday night, but then Saturday came around and he still hadn't called. Then that night, and now today. So my best guess is that he went and got drunk with Lindsay and JD and Cody and some chicks and has forgotten all about Kayla. Oh well. You know what? No. I'm sick of living like this. It's freakin ridculious!!!!! No girl should have this much guy drama ever in her life!!! And the wierd thing is, whenever I get let down by a guy my thoughts always go straight back to my ex with the baby. And if you ever wonder why I don't mention his name it's because I would die if he ever found out that I still loved him after all these months. He would definitely mention it to his friends and while he dropped out of school, they still come. And I most definitely don't want them to pick on me in front of everybody.Plus, I'm "friends" with his baby mama so that just wouldn't go over well at all. Sometimes I think that it's just not meant to be for me to have a steady boyfriend. I mean, of course, it's impossible because everyone in my life hates it when I finally come to a happy spot in my life. That's prolly why my happy moments only stay around for a week or two. I think three might be my record. Overall, I'm just sick of not being able to get something when I want it and when I don't want it, it's right there begging for it to be a part of my daily routine. Like, for example, when I wanted to date Ashtin right after him and the girl he pretty much cheated on me with broke-up, I spread word to him by his best friend that I might be interested in getting back together. But he was ticked because everyone was telling him he was an idiot and that his back-up plan didn't work anyways, so he made it clear in a very embarrasing way that he wanted nothing to do with me unless we were going to just be friends. So, I gave up on him and my thoughts went back to the person I really love and NOW he tells me he wants to date again and I start thinkin about it. And then I decide on Friday while he's at school that I will date him if he agrees to just talk for a couple weeks and now he has prolly moved on and now I'm here again left holding my heart in my hands. AGAIN!! He stresses me out so much. Even when we were datin before, he made everything complicated. It's whatever though I'm sure I'll get over it after a few days to work it out in my head and a couple of beers at Lindsay's(if she would answer her phone). I'll keep you posted.

Lost...

I'm a big mess right now. I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or scream. Shannon was right, my ex is trying to get back with me. He called me last night. =s He was just like well you pretty much know what I want, but the thing is I don't think you want what I want. So, its all up to you but I just wanted to see if you still hated me for dating Savanna. I told him I didn't hate him and that I never had(lie, I hated him for about 3 weeks even though we "were friends"), I was just extremely mad at him for making me look like trash. He really did make me feel like absolute crap but I'm still just not sure whether I want to make that commitment again. This may sound like a freakin soap opera, but you should have seen the break-up between me and the guy with the baby. Now that was drama. But also these are the thoughts going through my head and nobody else knows these thoughts except the people who read them on here. And ya'll don't even know me, so I don't have to deal with more drama. That's mainly why I post all this stuff on here. Anyways though, I told him it would take alot of convincing and more than a couple of weeks to win my trust back. But the thing is, we're not in school anymore and now people can't tell me that he's texting other girls. So that really sucks and maybe that's why I'm so cautious. I swear if he turns out like my other ex, then I'm giving up on long relationships and going for one-night-stands. That's exactly how tired I am of living in the middle of freakin school drama. And yeah, its always me, and never by choice. Certain guys will start liking me and then their preppy ex-girlfriends will start cussing out my friends(but never me, cause they know they get their a double s's kicked). That's whenever all my friends get involved and give me advice and then get mad at whoevers advice I took over theirs. So sometimes I feel like no matter which way I go its still wrong. And that's exactly what Ashtin told me he felt last night. Plus, my Mom doesn't really want me to date him again considering the fact that he is the way he is. Lindsay told me to go for it, but idk. I really don't. Life is like a road, you can turn here and hope its not a dead end or a sudden drop-off but then if you just kept going straight you would always wonder what that turn-off had in store you but you'll never know. Believe me, I've thought about this alot. Especially after me and the guy with the baby broke-up. Cause I had 5 months to think about that. FFWWHHOOO!!! I feel better now mentally I just wish I could get rid of my sinus cold. =s

Made it through!!!

I had the best day ever!!! You wouldn't believe how many people got checked out of school today. It was insane! =P I got a check-out too. And I found out for sure that my ex is tryin to get back with me!! He's crazy if he thinks I'm going back to him after he screwed around with a sl*t! I really do miss him though is the crazy part. So really all that's keepin us apart is my pride and his idea that he can have whatever he wants when he wants. And usually that's the way it is with girls he likes. I really don't want to stoop down and date him again but idk I do think bout it. I mean, who wouldn't think bout it. Everybody I know is attached to their exs. Most of my friends tell me not to go back to him, but my best friend Lindsay is thinkin I should. You see, I'm lookin for a guy that will kinda settle down for awhile at least right now and so is she. Her boyfriend has came back so many times just because he realized that she was always gonna love him no matter what. It helps that they were closer than she's ever been with another guy(if you get what I mean) but I thought earlier today bout taken her advice bout it cause she went through the same exact thing with him but right now I'm tryin to figure out if he's worth it or not. Mostly I want to know if he only wants one thing. When we dated before he didn't seem like he was always wantin that but now that I look back at it I start to wonder what he meant by some of the things he said. His best girl friend, who's also one of my bf's, told me that he was really tryin hard to get back with me but he just doesn't see it happenin on my part. That kinda made me sad in a way cause he seems like he really likes me again but i just don't know bout it. I'm supposed to stay with Lindsay alot this summer and she'll be with her boyfriend and his best friend is my ex so I should be spendin some time with him this summer. But I tell you what, if he screws another girl before the next time I see him this summer then I'm DEFINITELY NOT going back to him!!! I'll keep you posted(ha ha get it??)

2 more days of school!!!

I'm so excited right now cause I only have two more days left of school cause I'm excempt from 3 of my classes!!! But almost as soon as school gets out, I have a job babysitting one of my little cousins. I enjoy watchin him though and its pretty darn good if you ask me. I only watch him 4 days a week and I get $100 a week so I think its gonna pretty much work out. My ex wants to get back with me(did I mention that?). And the thing is, I would go back to him if he hadn't messed around with a sl*t!!!! And I'm not even talking bout the pregnant one!!! What is up with all my exs?? I guess I just date the players cause they don't give a crap what I do on the weekends even if they pretend to. Like all my exs wouldn't care if I went drinkin with my friends or even to a party as long as its with my girl friends. That doesn't matter too much though I guess. Alot of guys are like that I just wish that more good guys that were worth datin were like that. Everything would be so much simpler. Oh well, screw them cause I have my best friends to hang out with this summer and they have guy relatives just bout 3 years older that live pretty much right across the street that give us alcohol, a place to sleep, invite their other guy friends over, and show us, at least me, a good time;).

The Weekend!!!

I am so mad right now. All my friends are busy this weekend and my BF Emily is out of town and my other BF Amber won't answer my phone calls for anything, but she'll answer her boyfriend's calls, Tyler. He is a faggit anyways!!!! Like he's been with over 30 people(as in screwed around with). But at the beginning of this semester he went around telling everyone that he had changed and wasn't like that anymore. So, Amber fell for it. She had just got dumped, and she's always the one doing the dumping, so she was down on herself for a little while whenever Tyler found out bout all of this. Short and sweet, he made her feel special so she took the bait!! UGH=( I'm tired of talkin bout my friends problems!! OMG!! I can't wait to go campin this summer!!! We always go campin with my family! Oh, and canoeing too!! It was so funny last year when my Aunt Jenny, who's like 20 somethin, saw a snake go back and forth under her kayak and so she freaked out and ended up flippin just a couple feet down the river. We were all concerned bout her gettin bit, but she was just too funny to not laugh at!!! AGHH! My fingers hurt so bad right now from typing all of this in just a few minutes.

Friday!!!

Well...guess what peoples?? Its Friday and I'm so excited just to sit on my butt and do nothin for once. Last weekend I almost got caught doing something I wasn't supposed to be doin so I think I'm just gonna chill for this weekend. Anyways, what is up with gothic people always talkin bout hurtin themselves??? It drives me crazy!! There's no way on Earth that I would try to hurt myself just cause somebody told me I was fat as a joke. (Actually most people call me anorexic!?) WTF???? Will tell you more later!!!! Bye=]

Ugh!!!!

Well....today was horrible!!! I made my latest ex-boyfriend so mad at school that he just sat and said nothin the whole assembly! That may sound perfectly normal to you, but he's the class clown. He's not supposed to be like that! And its all my fault. I told him to shut-up cause nobody wanted to hear him talk. I was really jkin though but he took it SERIOUSLY. So now I feel like crap again today. Especially since I keep on thinkin bout the ex that I love......the one wit the baby....oh, yeah. and i talked to his girl today and she totally thought i was a b word but i ignored it cause only 5 more days of school and drama baby!!!! OOHHH YEAH!! I can't wait for sweet summertime. I LOVE THAT SONG! Country is the best music ever!!!! Anyways, smart people feel free to give me advice!!!! bye.

Hi!!!!

Hey! to the world out there!! My name is Kayla and I'm here to express my feelings so nobody else but who I say can see them!!! Well, this should be fun=P.... Anyways, I like to mudride on my fourwheeler, hunt, read, fish, climb trees, dress up, and, of course, TALK!!! So, I have this guy problem right now. Me an this dude broke-up bout 5 or 6 months ago and ever since then I've been tryin to get over him. BUT....we only broke-up cause he has another girl prego!!! And she just had her baby bout two weeks ago. I tried so hard to get over him, but it's just not workin out for me.... He dropped out of school to support the baby, but before that he was really popular. Everybody talks bout him and his girl and baby now. They even come up and ask me how it feels to have dated a daddy. OMG!!! I wish that I could just scream my head off at them and beat the crap out of every person that brings it up. But I know that wouldn't help any cause that would just show them how much I still care bout the whole situation-right??? So I'm sittin here thinkin bout me an him when we were together and wishin that things were different. Any advice for a very confused girl???