Lost...

I'm a big mess right now. I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or scream. Shannon was right, my ex is trying to get back with me. He called me last night. =s He was just like well you pretty much know what I want, but the thing is I don't think you want what I want. So, its all up to you but I just wanted to see if you still hated me for dating Savanna. I told him I didn't hate him and that I never had(lie, I hated him for about 3 weeks even though we "were friends"), I was just extremely mad at him for making me look like trash. He really did make me feel like absolute crap but I'm still just not sure whether I want to make that commitment again. This may sound like a freakin soap opera, but you should have seen the break-up between me and the guy with the baby. Now that was drama. But also these are the thoughts going through my head and nobody else knows these thoughts except the people who read them on here. And ya'll don't even know me, so I don't have to deal with more drama. That's mainly why I post all this stuff on here. Anyways though, I told him it would take alot of convincing and more than a couple of weeks to win my trust back. But the thing is, we're not in school anymore and now people can't tell me that he's texting other girls. So that really sucks and maybe that's why I'm so cautious. I swear if he turns out like my other ex, then I'm giving up on long relationships and going for one-night-stands. That's exactly how tired I am of living in the middle of freakin school drama. And yeah, its always me, and never by choice. Certain guys will start liking me and then their preppy ex-girlfriends will start cussing out my friends(but never me, cause they know they get their a double s's kicked). That's whenever all my friends get involved and give me advice and then get mad at whoevers advice I took over theirs. So sometimes I feel like no matter which way I go its still wrong. And that's exactly what Ashtin told me he felt last night. Plus, my Mom doesn't really want me to date him again considering the fact that he is the way he is. Lindsay told me to go for it, but idk. I really don't. Life is like a road, you can turn here and hope its not a dead end or a sudden drop-off but then if you just kept going straight you would always wonder what that turn-off had in store you but you'll never know. Believe me, I've thought about this alot. Especially after me and the guy with the baby broke-up. Cause I had 5 months to think about that. FFWWHHOOO!!! I feel better now mentally I just wish I could get rid of my sinus cold. =s