Disgusted.

Well, I think my instincts were right all along. Ashtin hasn't called me since Thursday. I thought maybe he just had to work on Friday night, but then Saturday came around and he still hadn't called. Then that night, and now today. So my best guess is that he went and got drunk with Lindsay and JD and Cody and some chicks and has forgotten all about Kayla. Oh well. You know what? No. I'm sick of living like this. It's freakin ridculious!!!!! No girl should have this much guy drama ever in her life!!! And the wierd thing is, whenever I get let down by a guy my thoughts always go straight back to my ex with the baby. And if you ever wonder why I don't mention his name it's because I would die if he ever found out that I still loved him after all these months. He would definitely mention it to his friends and while he dropped out of school, they still come. And I most definitely don't want them to pick on me in front of everybody.Plus, I'm "friends" with his baby mama so that just wouldn't go over well at all. Sometimes I think that it's just not meant to be for me to have a steady boyfriend. I mean, of course, it's impossible because everyone in my life hates it when I finally come to a happy spot in my life. That's prolly why my happy moments only stay around for a week or two. I think three might be my record. Overall, I'm just sick of not being able to get something when I want it and when I don't want it, it's right there begging for it to be a part of my daily routine. Like, for example, when I wanted to date Ashtin right after him and the girl he pretty much cheated on me with broke-up, I spread word to him by his best friend that I might be interested in getting back together. But he was ticked because everyone was telling him he was an idiot and that his back-up plan didn't work anyways, so he made it clear in a very embarrasing way that he wanted nothing to do with me unless we were going to just be friends. So, I gave up on him and my thoughts went back to the person I really love and NOW he tells me he wants to date again and I start thinkin about it. And then I decide on Friday while he's at school that I will date him if he agrees to just talk for a couple weeks and now he has prolly moved on and now I'm here again left holding my heart in my hands. AGAIN!! He stresses me out so much. Even when we were datin before, he made everything complicated. It's whatever though I'm sure I'll get over it after a few days to work it out in my head and a couple of beers at Lindsay's(if she would answer her phone). I'll keep you posted.