I'm so tired!!!

I've been housesitting at nighttime this week and during the day I've been babysitting Caden. He is SO BAD. You just don't understand. This job isn't worth $100 anymore. At first I thought he was an angel cause that's exactly what he acted like. But now I see why..... This job is getting old and fast. I wish I could go back to school and just forget about all of this here. But at school I have hypocritic B words just waiting for me to look at them the wrong way so they can say something and then me beat the crap out of them. I want Tonya to try and hit me SO bad cause that's all it would take to unleash the anger that's been building up inside of me all summer long. God, I sound crazy but you would just have to know Tonya. I'm getting this feeling more and more often especially after what she did to Lindsey. Even Lauren has turned against us. And by that I mean Lindsey. I feel like such a bad friend for ignoring Amber's calls but I can't stay with her and I don't know how to explain that to her. She even went so far as to call my dad's cell phone(which I don't even know how she got his number) but it's getting old and I'm freakin sick of it. Pretty soon summer will be over and we'll all be back at school together and all hell will break loose. I just wish that she would go away really. And it really makes me mad that she has like all my expensive stuff. I should have learned my lesson when I saw her and Ashlie(Alex's baby mama) stop being friends last year and her still having like all of her stuff. I will pass on the word if she keeps on doing like she's doing. Oh well, the baby's calling. I get back on after I talk to Amber--ha ha I might never get back on. JK.....my parents will probably make me call her sooner or later. Probably sometime next week if I don't get to it tonight. bye.

Another week done and over with!!!

This week has been crazy. Everyone has been harrasing me and annoying me to death! Me and my mom have got in like 10 fights about stupid stuff for a week now, and Caden is getting too used to me so now he's starting to act like a bratt. Amber called me today and I had to lie to her and tell her I was grounded cause I'm just not telling her that her aunt is the reason I can't come over there. I mean, how do you say that to someone?? Idk...but I can't. Me and Lindsey are getting closer and closer cause all the people around us are just pissin us off and leavin us friendless. It's the same way with Oj. We're gettin closer to her too. I guess the summer just tears people apart this year, normally it brings people closer together. Everybody has been breakin-up, movin on, makin new friends, and crossin friends they've had since kindergarten off their friend list. It's some crazy sh*t. Oh yeah, Lindsey thinks that Keith likes me and I'm so excited!!! It would be perfect for me to date him cause Lane is fixin to start datin his twin brother, Kevin, and Lindsey is their first cousin. So, all me and Lane have to do is go stay the night with Lindsey and party till we pass out!!! Hmmm...idk...maybe I should forget about guys cause Keith had the option to date me all year and he never took the chance or time. I mean, at times he seemed close to it, like when we were in art class and he asked me if I would date him. I said--no, you're a man horror Keith

Finally!!!!!

Well, yesterday was my first day off and Caden didn't come until 11 this morning. At least she picked him up early this afternoon. And I have $347 and I would have like $5oo but I just can't seem to keep money in my pocket. So, I talked to Lindsey, the red-head on my profile picture, until like 1 in the morning. It was crazy!!! We talked for 6 hours cause we'd been on the phone since 8 that night. We had alot of catchin up to do though. I still haven't talked to Amber or Oj and I think Amber is pretty ticked off about me not bein able to stay with her anymore, even though she doesn't know that it's offical. She just thinks I'm too busy for her but I make time for my other friends. Idk...she's the type of friend that wants her best friend to be her only friend and for her only friend to have one friend, her. So that just p*sses her off alot! I haven't talked to Ashtin or anybody but I'm kinda glad cause I think the guy I've been goin after for this whole year(on and off and even when I do have a boyfriend)likes me. Cause he is first cousins with Lindsey and he told Lindsey after she got off the phone with me one day that anytime she wanted him to bring her to my house he'd bring her. She was just kiddin around and was like what if you're busy?? And then he said I'll make the time. So, I offically think that I may have a boyfriend if I ever make it around to staying with Lindsey at her house. That excites me but I know that no matter how happy I am in a relationship, every time I get kinda personal with him, it will always remind me of my ex that's a dad. It's okay though, cause I wouldn't trade one second of it for any new relationship that made me 10x more happy. But that's me cause I really think I helped him through a tough time in his life and helped him realize what a B word the girl he knocked up is. Oh well, we can't change the past and it doesn't help to think about it. But I'm just sayin, I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. And I would prolly be the happiest I could be if I got to date Keith, and in time who knows?? Maybe I would forget all about Alex, but I don't think so. I'm sure that once every person has been with another one and things just click they never forget the person that made them so happy. I hope I'm helpin somebody, because I'm not helpin me. Byes, goin to check out the ice cream sit-ye-ation. ;)

Whew

I spent the whole day babysitting again. It's been like this all summer long. I barely ever get a day for myself. Maybe I should just tell them that I can't babysit on Fridays. BUT...it is part of my job, so I guess that would be a good way to be out of a job next summer. Idk, I just want some time to myself so I can start hangin out with my friends again. I haven't talked to Lindsey or Oj or Amber in over a week and I have talked to any other guys this summer besides Ashtin and Nui. And the only reason I talked to Nui was because he went with me, Lindsey, and Oj to the movies(my parents still don't know about that one). Hmmm....idk what to do. At least I have tomorrow off. I think, unless BB decides to bring him at like 12 in the day. Oh well its whatever I'm sick of worring about it. It will be fine and I think I'll call Lindsey right now and see what she's doing tonight cause I'm sick of sitting around here. Bye

Whew...when did it get so hot??

Well, I spent the day at my little brother's baseball tournament and I felt like I was going to die in the heat!!! It is soooo hot from 11 to 4 here. Ugghhh. Anyways, I'm bored again and feel like going out and partyin or somethin, but I have church tomorrow and I'm not askin OJ to bring me home at like 7:30 in the mornin again. Her and Lindsay might still be at the rodeo they went to yesterday. I want to say she said it ended tonight, so I wouldn't be able to stay with her anyways. The biggest thing on my mind though is Amber, the friend I can't stay the night with anymore cause of her aunt talkin to her baby like its trash, and the fact that she has my ipod and jacket, about 4 expensive shirts, gym shorts, dressy shirts(also expensive), all the things that go to my ipod, and about 4 pairs of flip-flops, and pajama pants that I wore over there. So I'm pretty much screwed on that end of the deal cause my parents aren't gonna let up untill Stephanie moves out of the house and that's not gonna happen with her havin two babies, no job, and a loser boyfriend that keeps getting her prego. ;) The second thing is my drivers permit. I can go in one month and take the test but I'm not sure about the new law that's supposed to be coming into effect sometime soon. It would keep me from either gettin my permit or makin me keep it for 6 more months. So....I have alot to think about. I think I go think about all this right now. Bye.....=]

Bored...

I'm so bored right now. I've been sitting here at my computer for about 2 hours now just checkin up on my email accounts and blogs and things like that and I just now had time to check this one. Honestly, I'm ready to go back to school if things keep on going like this around my house. I have a babysitting job this summer and I've had to work every day this week except Wednesday. My other cousins were here yesterday and fussin bout everything I did and wanted to know why the baby was still asleep. I was cause I put him to sleep early so ya'll could come over and chat with me. They spazzed out and syco when I told them that. I was really ready for them to leave about that time! Hmm...well I have nothing to do this weekend cause I'm not allowed to stay the night with my best friend ever again. It really pisses me off cause it's all her aun't fault. One of my dad's friends was over at her house helpin her dad fix his truck and her and her aunt were on the porch. She has two babies and the toddler was climbin down the steps so she called him a stupid little m f'er. That's what I heard at least cause my dad came stormin in from Mr. Rosco's house where he hangs out with all his buddies tellin me what happened and why I was never leavin the house with Stephanie, her aunt, again. I think think it's a bunch of bull crap but its whatever I guess. And on top of that, she hasn't called in forever and the day after he tells me this she calls wantin me to come stay with her. She had it all planned out too. Garth and Cody were going to come pick us up and bring us to the rodeo so we could see them ride.(They're bull riders.) And the thing is, she needs me now. And all this crap had to happen. Her and her boyfriend just broke up after 5 months and she needs a friend. And if it was me, I would want my best friend too. Anyways, I have to go. Byes!!!!

Well...that was pointless.

Guess what? After me and Ashtin had been datin for about two weeks I broke-up with him. I was over at my friend, OJ's, and I asked my friend Lindsey if she would txt him and be like hey this is emily. Well, we got to txtin and I dumped him and I couldn't feel better right now except the fact that now I don't have a boyfriend and I think I ticked him off and hurt his feelings on top of that. Anyways though, have to go...... I'll make sure to write more often. =]

Back in the Boyfriend Business

I would tell you that I'm still mad at Ashtin but I'm not. We've been datin for about 6 days now. Isn't that crazy after I said all that crap bout him?? HA! HA! I thought it was hilarious when I looked back and read my latest blog. Anyways, he was at his best friend Cody's house the whole week after school got out and there were no girls and Lindsay still isn't answering her phone. Oh well. It's whatever but Amber called me today and was like come stay with me and I asked my mom and everything and then called her back and told her that she wouldn't let me come cause I was sick. Oh yeah, I didn't mention that did I?? I've been sick the past 3 days throwing up the past two. But today it wasn't cause I was sick it was cause I gagged on my Gatorade. Sorry for all the details. I'm happy though now I guess except for the fact that my dad is actin like a male body part that starts with a d and mom is actin like a female dog(starts with a b). =p They drive me absolutely insane!! I haven't done anything bad in over a month and oh I forgot, I learned how to drive a standard truck. I didn't really want to at first but then when my parents told me they weren't helping me get a car until I learned how. So yeah, a couple of weekends ago I stayed with my Paw-Paw and he taught me how with his old truck. IDK though. It wasn't all that bad. So I guess I really have nothing else to say except that I'm just waiting to see how long this happy spell will last with everyone nagging me. I mean I don't let it bother me if you're confused but I don't know how long that will last. Bye....

Disgusted.

Well, I think my instincts were right all along. Ashtin hasn't called me since Thursday. I thought maybe he just had to work on Friday night, but then Saturday came around and he still hadn't called. Then that night, and now today. So my best guess is that he went and got drunk with Lindsay and JD and Cody and some chicks and has forgotten all about Kayla. Oh well. You know what? No. I'm sick of living like this. It's freakin ridculious!!!!! No girl should have this much guy drama ever in her life!!! And the wierd thing is, whenever I get let down by a guy my thoughts always go straight back to my ex with the baby. And if you ever wonder why I don't mention his name it's because I would die if he ever found out that I still loved him after all these months. He would definitely mention it to his friends and while he dropped out of school, they still come. And I most definitely don't want them to pick on me in front of everybody.Plus, I'm "friends" with his baby mama so that just wouldn't go over well at all. Sometimes I think that it's just not meant to be for me to have a steady boyfriend. I mean, of course, it's impossible because everyone in my life hates it when I finally come to a happy spot in my life. That's prolly why my happy moments only stay around for a week or two. I think three might be my record. Overall, I'm just sick of not being able to get something when I want it and when I don't want it, it's right there begging for it to be a part of my daily routine. Like, for example, when I wanted to date Ashtin right after him and the girl he pretty much cheated on me with broke-up, I spread word to him by his best friend that I might be interested in getting back together. But he was ticked because everyone was telling him he was an idiot and that his back-up plan didn't work anyways, so he made it clear in a very embarrasing way that he wanted nothing to do with me unless we were going to just be friends. So, I gave up on him and my thoughts went back to the person I really love and NOW he tells me he wants to date again and I start thinkin about it. And then I decide on Friday while he's at school that I will date him if he agrees to just talk for a couple weeks and now he has prolly moved on and now I'm here again left holding my heart in my hands. AGAIN!! He stresses me out so much. Even when we were datin before, he made everything complicated. It's whatever though I'm sure I'll get over it after a few days to work it out in my head and a couple of beers at Lindsay's(if she would answer her phone). I'll keep you posted.

Lost...

I'm a big mess right now. I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or scream. Shannon was right, my ex is trying to get back with me. He called me last night. =s He was just like well you pretty much know what I want, but the thing is I don't think you want what I want. So, its all up to you but I just wanted to see if you still hated me for dating Savanna. I told him I didn't hate him and that I never had(lie, I hated him for about 3 weeks even though we "were friends"), I was just extremely mad at him for making me look like trash. He really did make me feel like absolute crap but I'm still just not sure whether I want to make that commitment again. This may sound like a freakin soap opera, but you should have seen the break-up between me and the guy with the baby. Now that was drama. But also these are the thoughts going through my head and nobody else knows these thoughts except the people who read them on here. And ya'll don't even know me, so I don't have to deal with more drama. That's mainly why I post all this stuff on here. Anyways though, I told him it would take alot of convincing and more than a couple of weeks to win my trust back. But the thing is, we're not in school anymore and now people can't tell me that he's texting other girls. So that really sucks and maybe that's why I'm so cautious. I swear if he turns out like my other ex, then I'm giving up on long relationships and going for one-night-stands. That's exactly how tired I am of living in the middle of freakin school drama. And yeah, its always me, and never by choice. Certain guys will start liking me and then their preppy ex-girlfriends will start cussing out my friends(but never me, cause they know they get their a double s's kicked). That's whenever all my friends get involved and give me advice and then get mad at whoevers advice I took over theirs. So sometimes I feel like no matter which way I go its still wrong. And that's exactly what Ashtin told me he felt last night. Plus, my Mom doesn't really want me to date him again considering the fact that he is the way he is. Lindsay told me to go for it, but idk. I really don't. Life is like a road, you can turn here and hope its not a dead end or a sudden drop-off but then if you just kept going straight you would always wonder what that turn-off had in store you but you'll never know. Believe me, I've thought about this alot. Especially after me and the guy with the baby broke-up. Cause I had 5 months to think about that. FFWWHHOOO!!! I feel better now mentally I just wish I could get rid of my sinus cold. =s

Made it through!!!

I had the best day ever!!! You wouldn't believe how many people got checked out of school today. It was insane! =P I got a check-out too. And I found out for sure that my ex is tryin to get back with me!! He's crazy if he thinks I'm going back to him after he screwed around with a sl*t! I really do miss him though is the crazy part. So really all that's keepin us apart is my pride and his idea that he can have whatever he wants when he wants. And usually that's the way it is with girls he likes. I really don't want to stoop down and date him again but idk I do think bout it. I mean, who wouldn't think bout it. Everybody I know is attached to their exs. Most of my friends tell me not to go back to him, but my best friend Lindsay is thinkin I should. You see, I'm lookin for a guy that will kinda settle down for awhile at least right now and so is she. Her boyfriend has came back so many times just because he realized that she was always gonna love him no matter what. It helps that they were closer than she's ever been with another guy(if you get what I mean) but I thought earlier today bout taken her advice bout it cause she went through the same exact thing with him but right now I'm tryin to figure out if he's worth it or not. Mostly I want to know if he only wants one thing. When we dated before he didn't seem like he was always wantin that but now that I look back at it I start to wonder what he meant by some of the things he said. His best girl friend, who's also one of my bf's, told me that he was really tryin hard to get back with me but he just doesn't see it happenin on my part. That kinda made me sad in a way cause he seems like he really likes me again but i just don't know bout it. I'm supposed to stay with Lindsay alot this summer and she'll be with her boyfriend and his best friend is my ex so I should be spendin some time with him this summer. But I tell you what, if he screws another girl before the next time I see him this summer then I'm DEFINITELY NOT going back to him!!! I'll keep you posted(ha ha get it??)

2 more days of school!!!

I'm so excited right now cause I only have two more days left of school cause I'm excempt from 3 of my classes!!! But almost as soon as school gets out, I have a job babysitting one of my little cousins. I enjoy watchin him though and its pretty darn good if you ask me. I only watch him 4 days a week and I get $100 a week so I think its gonna pretty much work out. My ex wants to get back with me(did I mention that?). And the thing is, I would go back to him if he hadn't messed around with a sl*t!!!! And I'm not even talking bout the pregnant one!!! What is up with all my exs?? I guess I just date the players cause they don't give a crap what I do on the weekends even if they pretend to. Like all my exs wouldn't care if I went drinkin with my friends or even to a party as long as its with my girl friends. That doesn't matter too much though I guess. Alot of guys are like that I just wish that more good guys that were worth datin were like that. Everything would be so much simpler. Oh well, screw them cause I have my best friends to hang out with this summer and they have guy relatives just bout 3 years older that live pretty much right across the street that give us alcohol, a place to sleep, invite their other guy friends over, and show us, at least me, a good time;).

The Weekend!!!

I am so mad right now. All my friends are busy this weekend and my BF Emily is out of town and my other BF Amber won't answer my phone calls for anything, but she'll answer her boyfriend's calls, Tyler. He is a faggit anyways!!!! Like he's been with over 30 people(as in screwed around with). But at the beginning of this semester he went around telling everyone that he had changed and wasn't like that anymore. So, Amber fell for it. She had just got dumped, and she's always the one doing the dumping, so she was down on herself for a little while whenever Tyler found out bout all of this. Short and sweet, he made her feel special so she took the bait!! UGH=( I'm tired of talkin bout my friends problems!! OMG!! I can't wait to go campin this summer!!! We always go campin with my family! Oh, and canoeing too!! It was so funny last year when my Aunt Jenny, who's like 20 somethin, saw a snake go back and forth under her kayak and so she freaked out and ended up flippin just a couple feet down the river. We were all concerned bout her gettin bit, but she was just too funny to not laugh at!!! AGHH! My fingers hurt so bad right now from typing all of this in just a few minutes.

Friday!!!

Well...guess what peoples?? Its Friday and I'm so excited just to sit on my butt and do nothin for once. Last weekend I almost got caught doing something I wasn't supposed to be doin so I think I'm just gonna chill for this weekend. Anyways, what is up with gothic people always talkin bout hurtin themselves??? It drives me crazy!! There's no way on Earth that I would try to hurt myself just cause somebody told me I was fat as a joke. (Actually most people call me anorexic!?) WTF???? Will tell you more later!!!! Bye=]

Ugh!!!!

Well....today was horrible!!! I made my latest ex-boyfriend so mad at school that he just sat and said nothin the whole assembly! That may sound perfectly normal to you, but he's the class clown. He's not supposed to be like that! And its all my fault. I told him to shut-up cause nobody wanted to hear him talk. I was really jkin though but he took it SERIOUSLY. So now I feel like crap again today. Especially since I keep on thinkin bout the ex that I love......the one wit the baby....oh, yeah. and i talked to his girl today and she totally thought i was a b word but i ignored it cause only 5 more days of school and drama baby!!!! OOHHH YEAH!! I can't wait for sweet summertime. I LOVE THAT SONG! Country is the best music ever!!!! Anyways, smart people feel free to give me advice!!!! bye.

Hi!!!!

Hey! to the world out there!! My name is Kayla and I'm here to express my feelings so nobody else but who I say can see them!!! Well, this should be fun=P.... Anyways, I like to mudride on my fourwheeler, hunt, read, fish, climb trees, dress up, and, of course, TALK!!! So, I have this guy problem right now. Me an this dude broke-up bout 5 or 6 months ago and ever since then I've been tryin to get over him. BUT....we only broke-up cause he has another girl prego!!! And she just had her baby bout two weeks ago. I tried so hard to get over him, but it's just not workin out for me.... He dropped out of school to support the baby, but before that he was really popular. Everybody talks bout him and his girl and baby now. They even come up and ask me how it feels to have dated a daddy. OMG!!! I wish that I could just scream my head off at them and beat the crap out of every person that brings it up. But I know that wouldn't help any cause that would just show them how much I still care bout the whole situation-right??? So I'm sittin here thinkin bout me an him when we were together and wishin that things were different. Any advice for a very confused girl???